A Difficult Decision - June 18, 2010

I'm sitting here at the computer and Token is quietly resting in a doggy bed at my feet. I look down at him and he looks so peaceful now. My son gets off work at 6:30 so I scheduled the appointment for 7.

We adopted Token from a local shelter, an adult whippet that was picked up as a stray, so we really don't know his true age, but a good guess would be anywhere from 12-15, and maybe even as old as 17.

We've seen a very gradual decline over the past few years, but the past few days have been a total crash. We had him to the vet yesterday afternoon where he experienced the 3rd and worst seizure in 4 days, and it was witnessed by our vet. It took quite some time for him to recover enough for us to even bring him home, and we knew that we would have to make "the decision" soon.

 

As difficult as this is for me, it is even more so for my son, Pete. Token is "his" dog, and in light of all that my son has been through recently, facing his own mortality, this just brings that painfully to the forefront once more.

I have, throughout my life, had many dogs and have had to make this difficult decision more times than I care to remember. For some, there was no question, no hint of doubt, that it was the "right" time. Others, like Token, are not as clear. He's up and walking... but then he stumbles and almost falls as his legs begin to buckle. He looks up at me... there is sadness in his eyes... am I just anthropomorphizing to justify this decision? My heart aches.

I will stay with him and hold him, as I have those that have gone before. I know it is peaceful, but I also know that I will cry, as I have with all our other dogs and cats, regardless of the length of time we shared together.

Chemo Today - June 2, 2010

Pete went for his scheduled infusion of DTIC this afternoon. He's been doing really well, with no apparent side-effects, so he went alone. This was the second treatment since the great CT scan results. The doctor told him that the next scan would be scheduled some time during the two week period after the June 23rd treatment. Pete's sister, Gina, and her husband, Doug, will be here from CA for a visit right about then.

Life is pretty normal around here for Pete. He goes to work, out with friends and continues working on the renovations to his boat.

Latest Results of Brain MRI - May 19, 2010

The results are in and they are good! The report came back that the small spot that had shown up on the film 2 months ago is no longer there. The doctor said that either it was nothing, as in "a blood vessel on end" that he had suggested it might be, or, if it was something, it has resolved, possibly from the Sirolimus (aka Rapamune). In any event, Pete will not have to go for another brain MRI for 4 months.

This is great news. He'll continue with the DTIC (aka Dacarbazine) infusions on the prescribed schedule, the next one being June 2, as well as the Rapamune. We can breathe a bit easier for a while.

Dacarbazine Infusion #3 - May 13, 2010

Pete had his 3rd course of this chemo Wednesday morning. He just relaxed for a bit after we got home and felt well enough to go out to dinner in the evening. He went to work today and it looks as though he'll be putting in a full day since it's almost time for him to be coming home. One of his co-workers had said she would give him his Nulasta shot since she's experienced at giving insulin injections and they're basically the same kind, just subcutaneous sticks.

Tomorrow he'll go for the brain MRI and then get the results next week at his appointment with the radiology oncologist, Dr. W2.

What Lies Ahead - May 6, 2010

On Tuesday, May 4, Pete and I met with Dr. K at Memorial Sloan-Kettering Cancer Center in Manhattan. Friday evening Pete had already been given the good news by Dr. W that the tumors had diminished in size, but since the appointment was not until 4 PM, Pete had time to pick up a copy of the report from the medical imaging facility. He showed it to me as soon as he got home. The largest lesion, the one that had been reported previously as 7.7 x 6.4 cm., is now down to 4.7 x 2.3 cm. Another tumor, according to the report, has gone from 1.0 x 0.8 cm. to 0.5 x 0.4 cm. Two others had significant reduction, and there was "resolution of a second left anterior pericardial node which previously measured 1.2 x 0.7 cm."

Dr. K seemed quite pleased with these results. She explained that Pete will continue with the current regimen of Dacarbazine (aka DTIC) at 3 week intervals and maintain the daily oral dose of Sirolimus (aka Rapamune). She will discuss doubling the dose of Sirolimus with Dr. W.

Pete will periodically have CT scans to monitor his status. To determine the next stage of treatment they will be watching for no new lesions (indicating no progression of the disease) along with continued reduction in size and/or number of existing lesions, and/or stabilization. When stabilization is attained, a thoracic surgeon at MSKCC will be consulted regarding removal of any remaining tumors in the lungs. She said that it is highly unlikely, though it is possible, for all the tumors to resolve. And even if the CT scan identifies a certain number of remaining tumors, there may be additional tumors found during the surgery. The reason for this is that the scan takes incremental "slices" and it's possible that a tumor can fall between these slices and therefore not be visible on the scan film.

The bottom line is that Pete will most likely have several more months of chemo, perhaps six months or so. Hopefully he will continue to tolerate the treatments well, continue working, and be able to enjoy a relatively stress-free summer.

That said, he has his next infusion on Wednesday (May 12), and his brain MRI is scheduled for Friday (May 14). Here's hoping that the 3 mm spot there has either disappeared, or at worst, has not changed.

GOOD NEWS!!! - Update April 30, 2010

A short while ago Pete went out to dinner with his best friend, Tim, and Tim's wife. He just called me to give me some wonderful news. He went for his CT scan this morning and just now he got a call from his oncologist. The report came in and every one of his lung mets have SHRUNK!!!! I can't even begin to tell you how happy I was when I heard that.

Thank you, everyone, for all the prayers, lit candles, good wishes, positive energy and crossed fingers you've been sending our way. Thank you, God.

I'm sitting here sobbing because when he told me a huge wave of relief came over me. If there was a mountain nearby, I'd be running to the top so that I could tell the whole world this wonderful news, but since there's no mountain, this is the best way I know of to share it with everyone.

CT Scan Today - April 30, 2010

Pete left a short time ago to have his CT scan. He has to get there about 1/2 hr ahead of the appointment because he has to drink a contrast cocktail.

The knot in the pit of my stomach will just keep getting tighter and tighter until we get the results from the MSKCC doctor on Tuesday. I cannot even begin to count the number of times I have wished, hoped and prayed that this chemo will have an affect and the report will be good. It seems that I pray and wish constantly, even when I wake up in the middle of the night.